Bulking on Disappointment

Dear Admonister,

I pay for the gym, I eat healthily (lots of protein!) and count my calories. I'm still overweight and I don't find myself attractive.

Please admonish,
— Unfit Proteinshaker

𝔇𝔢𝔞𝔯 Unfit Proteinshaker,

It's good you now obsess over your physique, rather than your mind — at least going in circles burns calories now.

So you joined a gym to compensate for your desk job. We all know how that worked out. At least your daily climb up the corporate ladder now funds the machines for your fitter peers. Thanks to your contribution, they can remain shiny, pretty, and forever the reminder of your elusive desire.

So you decided to focus on food intake. Excellent! You've done your research — protein is good, carbs are bad, and fat is ugly! So now you skip breakfast, count your lunch calories, and cancel dinner dates. Then evening comes, and you bulk on two boxes of disappointing protein bars — watching sports as a couch potato. How many calories does a couch potato have, by the way?

As you prepare for bed, you get to admire the results of your life choices. Unfortunately, the dastardly mirror is fat-shaming you — so you avoid it, bury yourself in blankets, and go to sleep. At least no-one has to see you now — not even you.

Miserable, you yearn for change — to stop being you. Ever helpful, society and commerce are happy to decide what's desirable, what needs improving, and how to 'fix' you. So you outsourced your judgement, without asking what could possibly happen when you half-commit to judgement that isn't yours.

You bully yourself into discipline for goals you didn't choose. And when you need your 'discipline' most — bored on the couch, snacks within reach — you're already back on autopilot, wondering why your body suffers the same steady decline as the Netflix you binge. You fake it, till you unmake it.

You've built a life where effort and boredom are equally intolerable. You stick with the same job, hobbies, friends — the very circumstances that pin you to the couch. You expect to change your life by controlling your mind, habits, and inclinations — and thus by treating yourself as an enemy to be subdued.

That's your grand strategy — pushing yourself out of every comfort zone, instead of creating one worth living in. You play the hero, but you can't even write your own plot. Even children tell stories with more realism — and fewer plot-holes.

Luckily, you only have to live in this body — not enjoy it.